Improve your EIQ!

On Saturday, March 10, we'll begin training in the vast under-explored frontier of intellectual development: Erotic Intelligence.  Join the Art of Sensation Play workshop that educates you on the hidden pleasures your body has built in for you.

Not just for professionals any longer Erotic Intelligence skills are every person's rights and knowledge about the pleasures that can be derived from the human body.  I have trained with acupuncturists, tantric practitioners, BDSM Devotees, psychologists, erotic service providers leading educators in the field of sexology to bring you jewels of powerful erotic information.

I have mentored the sexually curious over 20 years and the demand for information now exceeds the supply of hours in the day.   That was frustrating, because while I was so happy to see beautiful bright curious happy eyes, I was fat and exhausted from eating so many Starbucks danishes!


I know how wondrous it feels to share the secret of your sexual desires.  For most of us we don't dream of broadcasting our lives like bad reality tv, we just need someone to talk to and tell us we are okay.  It's important for private sharing with someone you can trust.

I'm glad to have come through my own vulnerable times and now live my passion as a professional kink educator.  Helping others ready to healthily embrace their desires and bodies and live their kink in harmony with the rest of their lives.

The Buddhist teach that when we die, our brains and bodies are no longer separated.  Orgasms are called 'the little death' because we can experience for a few seconds at a time that precious connectedness.  We kinksters have found a way to expand those moments of pleasure with the 700+ fetishes, roleplays, lifestyles and identities.   It's the big tent, we generally call BDSM.

I invite those who are ready to take the next step to check out my stories, pictures, classes, events and online learning.   My workshops are presented in a kink-lite or vanilla friendly format and locations.

But to all of us here, I'm happy to be on the darkside, as I like to say "C'mon over to the darkside we have cookies."

All My Heroes were Ho's

  Catholic schools gave me a  divided perspective on 

what constituted a professional women.   In the 70's when the Women’s Rights movement had filtered down a message that I had to do something different than what my mother and the church told me was right, I looked around for new role models.   I searched for women I could relate to, aspire to be and model after.   Someone who made their own way in the world with money and a career whatever that was.  

But in 1974, I was the skinny nerdy kid in the shapeless knee length aqua blue jumpers.  The color matched the robe of the six-foot Blessed Virgin Mary statue dominating the entrance of the school.   Diahann Carroll had made the career move from nurse, a promotion from the maids I only witnessed in the past.  But since I was squeemish around blood I headed to the library to see what history could teach me about working women. 

Underneath my jumper a strong sexual appetite was started to develop and the women I discovered were resonating with my mind and my body.    With lots of time alone, I hoped the public library would satisfy my curiosity.  After a couple of hours of research,  I took the most explicit sex books I could find to the check out counter.  The elderly librarian took one look and said, “Honey those books are to old for you.” And stripped me of everything but a couple history books.

Grumbling and frustrated I rummaged through my parents stack at home.  Polly Adler’s “A House is not a Home” caught my interest.  Adler was a 20 year-old immigrant entrepreneur in Chicago.  Her chosen industry: prostitution.  

           She explained  "Prostitution exists because men are willing to pay for sexual gratification, and whatever men are willing to pay for, someone will provide." She retired at 44, refused to testify against her financiers and they paid for her college, wrote her best seller and lived off the proceeds.  Adler was a successful sex worker, with a famous retirement plan!   Her how-to was full of sex, power, money with danger and glamour to boot! 

Josephine Baker’s left the US in the 20’s, and became the most famous Black topless dancer, singer and Courtesan in the World.  Baker whose male and female lovers are estimated in the hundreds, won the French Medal of Honor for being a WWII spy for her adopted country.  She later adopted a dozen children from around the world calling them her ‘Rainbow Tribe’.  In a game of Holy Poker, I think she beats a Mother Teresa. 

 Pearl Buck gave me the 'Big Love' lesson as a serial polygamist, all the while as a prolific writer and humanitarian.  Born the daughter of Chinese missionaries, she also married a missionary to China.   Early into her marriage she started an affair with a Chinese poet.  The Boxer Rebellion ended the relationship and forced Buck and her special needs daughter back to the US without her husband.  

          When she left China, Buck described how she felt, “...a curious sense of pleasant recklessness” because though she had lost all her family’s possessions she was strangely free of her former life and its entanglements.  Another affair followed with her smart and ambitious publisher.  With the success of her novel “The Good Earth” Pearl had the career clout to divorce Mr. Buck, and marry her publisher.  They maintained an open marriage and after her husband died she graduated to Cougar status.  

A creative humanitarian, Buck was outraged by the bigotry and abuse of mixed race children left behind by American soldiers.  She started a foundation that continues to support and bring these children to the US.

There are still dozens more stories about women who owned their sexuality and made history:  Mata Hari: exotic dancer, courtesan, and accused spy, died at the hands of a German Firing Squad.  Ms. Hari really took making her passion her profession pretty seriously.  I admired the woman who became a heroine for her country through her sex.  And I made a note to be careful of German lovers.

Catherine the Great, known as the enlightened despot, and a patron of the arts.  Especially if the artist was young and hot.  She was a buxom woman known for her 'hearty lust'.  I became an art collector.     

I can’t forget the women of the bible:

         Esther used her feminine wilds to snag a king.  I call her the Patron Saint of Sugar Babies.  With the help of her Uncle she saved her people, brutally and publicly destroyed her enemies ala ‘Mexican Cartel’ style.  This sister was definitely from the hood!

  Lot had a special father/daughter(s) relationship that made the writers of the Old Testament juggle with incest in the most clever way.   Look at Leviticus 18, it’s the list of all the close relatives you can’t have sexual relations with.  But guess what specific combo is missing?  That’s right the father/daughter combo. Clever horde of holy writers, don’t you think?  But somehow the daughters get all the blame, I wonder how old these girls were?

      Stage Mother Extraordinaire – The Blessed Virgin Mary of course!  She prepared, nurtured and gave witness to a legacy for her entire family.    She also gets credit for being the namesake to the most damaging role model for women ever: the Madonna/Whore dichotomy.  And barefoot too.  That to me said she was a hippie, free loving kind of chick.  She was definitely Bad Ass!

Then St. Oprah arrived in the 80’s.   I admire her most for staying single and maintaining a lasting relationship.  I believe Oprah story is a retelling of the Madonna/Whore persona.  It’s through her story we see both paths can work together successfully.  I hope that when her story is told from history's perspective that her personal life will part of the legacy of her professional life. 

My heroes made successful lives for themselves and my model for options to follow.  Using my brains, compassion, passion, family, beauty, sex and drive to forge memorable careers.  Go Bitches, you Rock!  

Six Steps to Sinning

Spend anything in the kink, fetish or BDSM community and you will find a lot of rules and protocols that at first do not make sense.  These are there to protect you, learning the rules takes times and you will get your feelings bruised along the way.  

I was asked once, can you give me some quick tips on finding my way into this world.  Sure! 

Here you go.  My Six Not so Quick Steps to Learning Everything you wanted to know about Kink:

First step: Learn something - go to a class, meet real people. At least wiki it people. Check out your local sex toy shop, google your city and bdsm and see what comes up.

Second Step: Go to a Munch.  This is a meet and greet of kink curious people held at a public restaurant or bar.  Safe, easy, public and you meet real time people. Dress nicely, be your charming self and look for play partner.

Third Step: Go to a play party or a dungeon. Just watch, yes you can go alone and not be noticed, touched or harmed, unless you want to, then you need to ask.  Whatever you do, don't touch anything or anybody without permission.  Don't interrupt scenes, by talking loud or asking questions of them.  Think of what you are viewing as a dance, don't cut in.

Fourth Step: Self identify your interests:  want to be spanked: spankee, bottom or submissive.  Want to throw a whip or flogger, Dom(me), Top, Sadist.  This takes time to learn and you need the first three steps.

Fifth Step: Play with yourself or a friend, not a stranger unless you've completed the Fourth Step.

Sixth Step: Recover, make changes to your play list, identity your evolving self, desires and repeat steps 1-5.

The first 2012 Woody Award goes to Kim Coates

Introducing the "The Woody Awards" by Me!  These awards go to hot men, women, inanimate objects that get my juices flowing, and make my internal clitoris stiff.

History of the Award:  It began a few days after New Year's Day, I was speaking out loud to the Universe while having a masturbatory flashback (MF) of the actor Kim Coates from Sons of Anarchy.

There was this scene where he was caught by Katy Sagal in the hallway before he was about to do the nasty with the housekeeper.  But because he was 'that nice kind of biker all girls want to fuck' he was considerate enough to run to the bathroom in her bathrobe for some baby oil.  The classic American Bad Boy and that's why I love the writers of this show.  Coates and Sagal imply in there shared MF moment, (note the smiles) that he was so hung he needed to lube up.

I love remembering those moments with my own bad boys and Coates has slipped in every time I put on my silk bathrobe.  I also said to the Universe, "Next time I see him, I'm going tell him how much I enjoy him in my MF's.

Two weeks later, I'm at the LA Art Show sipping my first glass of wine and there is Coates with his wife and 22 yr. old daughter.

I ran into him before I had a chance to think about what I would say, and all I worried about was how am I going to bring up the subject of BWC sex with his wife and daughter there.  I couldn't go back on my word with the Universe and bring holy karma havoc on my head.  So I politely chatted up the wife and daughter, both accomplished women in their own right and then turned again to Coates.

"I must tell you I made a commitment to myself that when I saw you, I would tell you that how much I enjoyed the scene with you and the pink robe, however, I did not want to embarrass you in front of your family more than I already am at the present for just thinking about it" and I serenely smiled.

"Oh no, she's grown, tell me more."  He smiled back , three inches from my own internal woody and then there it was, I sensed movement.  My task was done.  I delivered the woody.  It was the least I could do for a scene well done.  Congratulations Kim Coates for the First 2012 Woody Award!

Check out my TIT's

Hey Kinksters,

My Tits:  Cool tattoos pretty cool, right?  The story is this,  I had 44DD's and got tired of them so cut them off.  But I hated the scars, so I covered them up.  Then I lost 120 lbs. and loss my tits.   Now I want new ones and I'm taking donations here.  

My Ten Intention Tips (TIT's) are tools for you to use to manifest what you want in your life.  I love researching in so many disciplines that it's all starting to come together.  I wrote them down, so I wouldn't forget and sharing them with you so you won't forget.  Because your kinky and I like that about you.  They are at the website.  But wait there's more.

Why do you need both?  Because you have to much porn in your life and not enough sex.  That's why you're here, your surfing not sexing.   Constantly teasing our bodies without pleasing them makes us Republicans, or religious zealots.  Either way frustrated people. We should be having orgasms every other day for optimal health.  That's what Dr. Oz says at least and I believe Oprah's TV Doc don't you?

Still we will have to work to get through your hang ups, insecurities, disinterested partners, remote locations etc. to get healthy.

You need the fantasy sustainers of porn to keep you alive and please stay alive!  My TIT's will help you start working on the real goals.  There is a way to get there, you just have to keys to open the lock.  My TIT's and hopefully my other tits will inspire you, to do just that.

And you're intelligent.  My blog caters to you.   Take the time to stroke your Erotic Intelligence, it will pay you back in a healthier happier life, I promise.

Tonight on the Rev Mel Show - 2/13

You're already surfing so come on over to the Rev Mel Show.  I'll be dishing the dirt on upcoming stuff:

• Kinky Tea Service
• Sensation Play Workshop
• Intention and Manifesting