I realize that could stop all other conversations at the Thanksgiving dinner table and it should. But dear kinkster realize we all didn't wake up one day and decide we were kinky or bi or poly. We took our time and with each subsequent orgasms when our creative juices flowed over us like Niagra Falls we thought about ever increasing ways to increase our pleasure. And when pleasure is shared it has a wonderful bonding effect that in our case, made our marriage of ten years even stronger.
Master James and I met as kinksters, so we were half way to home base. We each had our own paths that brought us together. But the basis for the marriage was open communication, exploration and a sense that life is a journey not a destiny.
Don't get me wrong, the first few years of marriage we shared our home with the green monster of jealousy. But somewhere between living together, knowing each other, fighting the enemies within as well as without (illness, job loss, community gossip, jealous subs etc. etc.) we found within each other a strong support to lean and depend on.
I often say to classes where we are teaching when the question of jealousy comes up, "I have his heart and his wallet, his dick can go anywhere." Why? Because he and I both get to come home to love and acceptance. And that's still very hard to find out there anywhere, vanilla or kink, swing or poly.
Man has proven it is not a species that mates for life. Though the constructs of our community primarily through religious institutions has used marriage as a contract of control. Marriages are hard pressed to survive under any pressure, let alone thrive year after year. The marriages that make it for any length of time stay together because they share something of value. It could be the love, the kids, the money, the sex, or the comfort. If you are lucky you learn that the value you share is the love for each other. I was able to say goodbye to jealousy once and for all when I faced all the fears it brought up, discussed them and then went forward trusting (and testing) the marriage commitment.
I came to marriage not because I needed a man, but because I wanted one. I wanted to share the journey. I suspected my life would be fuller with someone I could tell my wild stories, eat popcorn and ice cream for dinner with and lust after the same hot bodies over. What a dream come true, I am one lucky fucking bitch!
